JULIANA GENSHEIMER
Rebuttal to WSJ article
In a humorous WSJ op-ed this summer, Rob LaZebnik stated that college grads are unprepared for real life. As I watched Netflix waiting for my mom to finish dinner, I whipped up a rebuttal. Might have to change my response once I land this job at SYNEK.
“To the Adults Who Failed to Raise Us”
Yesterday as I lay on my parents’ couch chewing carrot sticks my mom had just peeled, I felt particularly indignant at Mr. LaZebnik’s calling me a 22-year-old “monster.” [“The Adults We Failed to Raise,“ July 25]
In fact, I felt so insulted that I promptly called my parents over to ask if they’d write a response on my behalf. Thanks to Mr. LaZebnik’s article, they said no. Which led me to think—how am I supposed to learn effective management techniques if I don’t have my parents to order about?
My parents say that I must find a job. I respond that Candy Crush Saga offers free gold bars for passing Level 723, but apparently they want me to earn “real” money in case my iPhone shatters for the fourth time. [Edit from parents: Seriously, if you have any job, contact us. We’ll pay her salary.]
Mr. LaZebnik doesn’t appreciate the struggle of living at home as a recent college graduate. I feel vulnerable when my dad threatens to change the locks on the house. Meanwhile, my mom adds tuna to the quinoa even though she knows my boyfriend is vegan.
Parents, do not resort to unethical tactics like taking away our Netflix accounts. Millennials, know that we can retaliate by refusing to pay Social Security—or worse, by revoking parental privileges to Amazon Student Prime.
But in reality, most of us Millenials received a pretty unwelcome gift upon graduation: impossibily high housing prices coupled with a pile of student debt. This situation means that I’ll actually have to do something with my degree in Narcissist Photogaphy: The Evolution of the Selfie.
In the end, Mr. LaZebnik raises an important question: what does one do after college? I’ve not given it much thought. It’s like asking a dog you’ve trained to fetch, sit, and lie down to suddenly eat with a fork and knife. But to be honest, I’m not that worried. See, while Mr. LaZebnik may call me a monster, my parents think I’m special.